3 Good Ways to Give Up

Let’s qualify what I mean by “give up.” Are we talking about the 5000-piece puzzle Great-Grandma Lucy gets out every Christmas? Or are we talking life and death?

I’ve lived with chronic illness since 1997, and I’ve wondered several times if there’s an amiable way to just give up. But I’m too OCD to let things go undone, and I crave approval too much to harm myself.

Seriously, Jesus and I have had some sharp disagreements about how much I can endure. Yet here I am with a body growing older, and there’s really no option to give up.

“My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:15-16

Are There Good Ways to Give Up?

You WON’T hear about giving up chocolate or gluten or red meat from me, I assure you. Though I understand all those may be good and necessary at times, it’s Jacob and his family in Genesis that have been teaching me what to give up lately–so hold onto your chocolate and keep reading.

#1 – Giving Up The Demand For Justice

In Genesis 31, Jacob met his deceptive match in his father-in-law Laban. God visited Jacob in a dream, so he packed up Rachel, Leah, the other two wives, his eleven sons, a daughter, and everything else he owned–and they skedaddled–while Laban was on a business trip.

Jacob’s caravan had almost made it into Canaan when Laban caught up to them and confronted his son-in-law. But Yahweh had also appeared to Laban, warning him not to harm Jacob. The two had a knock-down-drag-out verbal battle and then set up a pillar and heap of stones, calling it “Mizpah” with this vow:

“This heap is a witness, and this pillar is a witness, that I will not go past this heap to your side to harm you and that you will not go past this heap and pillar to my side to harm me.” Genesis 31:52

Then they sat down and had supper together–such a Middle Eastern thing to do. I’m fairly certain twenty years of Laban’s unfair treatment didn’t resolve in Jacob’s heart over a single leg of lamb. So, how did he move forward, having given up the justice due him?

#2 – Giving Up Control

I’m not exactly clear on what happened after the meal. In some versions, it seems like Jacob may have separated himself and men belonging to his household from Laban to go into the hills and make a sacrifice to Yahweh. In other versions, it seems more like Laban was in attendance to witness Jacob’s sacrifice.

“Jacob offered a sacrifice in the hill country and called his kinsmen to eat bread. They ate bread and spent the night in the hill country.” Genesis 31:54 (ESV)

Regardless, when Laban left early the next morning, his parting was peaceful when he kissed his daughters and grandchildren–with no mention of Jacob’s presence at all.

I believe Jacob’s sacrifice is the reason we don’t see his name listed in Scripture while Laban is saying his goodbyes. Jacob didn’t seem to hover near his wives and children, ready to defend or pick another fight with his father-in-law.

Perhaps he’d watched his offering burning away on the altar the night before and allowed Yahweh to take his worries away with it. Maybe he could release control and trust the God who had appeared to both him and Laban in dreams to protect his family in ways he couldn’t do it himself.

The sacrifice cost Jacob something…thus, the word: sacrifice. Giving up worry, control, or concern (the more tactful word we use instead) is a sacrifice. In what ways have you witnessed the Lord’s past faithfulness so you can trust Him to do/be things that will build your faith to let go of control in the future?

#3 – Giving Up Our Blessings?

It seems like poor Jacob went straight from his confrontation with Laban into the reunion with Esau. Yet right after Laban left–and before the crucial meeting with his brother–the Lord met Jacob in a POWERFUL way!

“Jacob also went on his way, and the angels of God met him. When Jacob saw them, he said, ‘This is the camp of God!’ So he named that place Mahanaim.” Genesis 32:1–2

Cool, right?! After all the struggles of the last twenty years and then swallowing that baggage with Laban, it was as if God was saying, “Well done, Dude!” …Or was God preparing him?

As Forrest Gump would say, “Maybe both.”

Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to alert his brother Esau that he was returning to Canaan. The same brother Esau who he’d stolen the covenant blessing from. The same brother Esau who threatened to kill him. The same brother Esau who was foretold–both in the womb and in the “stolen” blessing–would serve his younger brother Jacob (Gen. 25:23; 27:29,40).

Esau’s Coming!

When Jacob’s messengers returned with news that Esau was coming with four hundred of his closest friends, Jacob obviously thought he was planning to destroy his whole household.

Jacob’s 20-year-old Predicament Revisited:

• Same Fear
• Same God
• Different Jacob

God conferred Abraham’s promise on Jacob twenty years before and got a seemingly cavalier response:

“Jacob made a vow, saying, ‘If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father’s household, then the Lord will be my God and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.’” Genesis 28:20–22 (emphasis added)

Twenty years later, when Jacob was about to face Esau and his 400 buddies, Jacob’s heart was far more contrite:

“Then Jacob prayed . . . ‘I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, “I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.”‘” Genesis 32:9–12

Give It to Brother

I can’t quote all of Genesis 32 here for you, but if you’ll read vs. 13-31, you’ll see that Jacob sends a serious amount of livestock to Esau and his servants with a very specific message to tell his older brother:

“He also instructed the second, the third and all the others who followed the herds: ‘You are to say the same thing to Esau when you meet him.And be sure to say, “Your servant Jacob is coming behind us.” For he thought, “I will pacify him with these gifts I am sending on ahead; later, when I see him, perhaps he will receive me.” So Jacob’s gifts went on ahead of him, but he himself spent the night in the camp.” Genesis 32:19–21 (emphasis added)

Not only did Jacob give hundreds of heads of hard-earned livestock to Esau, he gave up part of THE BLESSING God had promised him by calling himself Esau’s servant.

Did Jacob mean it, or was he being deceptive? Dunno. But I imagine that in the moment, he would have given anything to save his family and his own life. Somehow, the whole thing feels wonky, doesn’t it?

Wrestle for the Blessing

The gifts have gone ahead of him, and Jacob has divided his household into two camps (which is the literal meaning of the location, Mahanaim). He sends both camps across the Jabbok River ahead of him and spends the night alone. Well–he was alone until a man wrestled with him until daybreak. Then the Man got personal and asked his name.

“Then the man said, ‘Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.’ . . . Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, ‘It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.'” Genesis 32:26–30

So Which Is It?

Did Jacob give up his blessing to Esau but fight to get it back from God? Not exactly.

What I’ll take away from Jacob’s life lessons is that earthly blessings–like livestock, family, even our own lives/health–can be taken from us. But the promises of God are worth wrestling over.

It’s okay–even necessary–to struggle with God when we go through tough stuff. Jacob walked with a limp for the rest of his life after his wrestling match at the Jabbok. But the experiences before and after the wrestling (with Laban and Esau) were also a part of the struggle.

God never wastes our victories or our pain. He uses every moment of joy and discomfort to shape us into a one-of-a-kind gem that reflects His glory in a way no one else ever has or ever will. WE. ARE. UNIQUE. in our struggles and our blessings.

Today’s Questions:

• Was there anything Jesus was nudging you to “give up” as you read through this post today?
• Is there a blessing or promise you feel led to wrestle with God until He gives it–and are you prepared for the limp that may come with His answer?
• In what ways have you seen God’s faithfulness in the past that could help you give up worry and/or control in a situation you’re facing right now?