“Don’t Jump Ship” by Raechel Lenore

I think one of my ‘love-languages’ between God and I is poetry. I have been writing a lot of it, and it’s become a way I communicate with Him, and He with me. But I don’t always share them because some poems are just more…raw to me. And by sharing them, while it may not seem like it to others, feels too vulnerable to me–like revealing a corner of my heart.

But I think that’s today’s point…God can use being vulnerable.

Everyone experiences trials, and it’s easy to become weary. I’m thankful He hears our cries and invites us to rest.

“Don’t Jump Ship”

The words aren’t coming, LORD
and I know that’s okay.
I’m trying to recall the good,
to offer You my praise.

Even though I do not feel it,
even though I feel cast down,
I whisper close Your promises,
I trust You LORD,
please let Your healing abound.

I want to wrestle with You,
but I also want a break
I’m tired from all the striving
Oh LORD, please don’t forsake.

Give me the strength
to endure ever long
Help me not to despair
as I’m trudging along.

Be to me a guiding Light,
a place to rest,
safe inside.
Be to me a shelter secure
let me never tremble
from the fear that blurs

the line between dark and light
Oh LORD, please rescue me from this fight!

My aching soul cries out to You
Bind up my wounds
Dry up my doubts
Oh LORD for safety to You I run
Please gather me into Your arms,
Your truth, You are One.

Praise within, danger without,
I flee to You to heal my doubts,
to take the fear that calls my name,
to rescue me, LORD, without delay!

Be still, my heart,
You call me here,
to endure the storm, to know You’re near.
You weather the fear that
threatens my name,
to You, O LORD, the winds and waves obey.

“Do not jump ship”
You meet me here,
You call my name,
You, LORD, dear.
Your words are whispered into my soul,
I love You LORD,
take control.

Hold my hand
keep the fears without
Draw me in,
direct my route.

“The path is rarely smooth, My child,
Yet My love will lead you ever on.
Ever on, though you may sway and fold,
Ever on, to you, I hold.

I grasp you tight, within My hands,
My love secure, in Me you land.
Underneath are the everlasting arms
You will never be forsaken,
nor left to any harm.

I direct your path,
the route is sure,
fear not, My child,
you are safe and secure.”

*I should share the backstory of the line, “I want to wrestle with You.” I had read a post by Mike Donehey from the music group, Tenth Avenue North, and one of the things he mentioned was that God wants all of us–head-to-toe.

In Romans 11, Paul explains that we Gentiles who aren’t naturally-born Israelites have been ‘grafted into Israel’ through Jesus’ death and resurrection, and ‘Israel’ means ‘to wrestle.’ That means we get to be close enough to God to bring Him everything–the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Mike Donehey worded it so much better and more eloquently, but the whole ‘wrestling’ thing stuck with me. To me, it means being close to God. He’s been teaching me to be truly transparent with Him, giving Him *all* of my emotions, even the really ugly stuff.

But sometimes I’m too tired to ‘wrestle’, to strive, to be doing. And I’m finally understanding  that He’s okay with that too. We can be just as close to God by sitting and resting at His feet. Doing nothing.

One of my favorite mental pictures that God gave me a while ago is this:

I was sitting at a dusty crossroads, unsure which direction to go, and feeling overwhelmed with my own Autistic-brain. I didn’t feel ‘fixed enough.’ I didn’t know where to go. Jesus showed up, and I expected direction, active steps toward healing, but instead He sat down beside me in the dust. He didn’t say anything. He just calmly sat there beside me, and began to draw in the dust.

I expected action. But He wanted to just sit in the dust with me, and rest. I find that beautifully refreshing. He will meet us in our dusty seasons, and eventually He will lead us on, but sometimes He asks us to just sit with Him a little longer. So here I often wait, in the dust with Jesus, clinging to the hope that we are never forsaken even when cast down.